Sunday, July 29, 2007

People or Packages ?!?!

I am sure that at some point of time we all must have felt something similar to "hmmm...... everything is great about this person, it would be better if only s/he did not have this, this and this". Isn't it amazing that every once in a while we try to customize the one person whom we love the most (or someone who loves us the most).

The reality is ....... People come in packages............ There is a finite set of human attributes whereas there are infinite possible combinations and the bad news is, qualities come in groups, you cannot have one without the other.

The irony is that a relationship develops by interaction of only a small subset of qualities in either person. You get attracted or put off by those few interface level qualities. Once the person passes this 'circumstantial' test then we start making forays into uncharted territories of each others characters and only some relations survive the voyage. Actually it is good that not all relations make it through or else the human society would be a very complex place to live in.

Here is an example to give you a drift of where I am going......... a fast paced person who takes quick and rational decisions cannot be expected to be emotionally sensitive or at least his/her emotional threshold will be uncomfortably low. I could go on and on pointing out the obvious, hence I will sum it up with a story from ancient Indian (south Asian) epic - Mahabharath. A princess is able to appease the Gods by her immense devotion and faith. In return the Gods grant her a wish and the princess asks for a husband who is knowledgeable, charming, exceptionally strong, and couple of other good attributes. This sent the Gods musing since even they could not find a mortal who possessed all these qualities so they influenced the events such that the princess got married to, not one prince, but five of them each a champion in one of the requested qualities!!!

Moral of the story, why not look at a person as a package and not fantasize of tinkering with the basic package to meet out needs and fantasies. However as a cautionary note, this should not be used as an excuse to avoid learning/changing because remember change is omnipotent and omnipresent, no change means no life.

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