Sunday, July 29, 2007

People or Packages ?!?!

I am sure that at some point of time we all must have felt something similar to "hmmm...... everything is great about this person, it would be better if only s/he did not have this, this and this". Isn't it amazing that every once in a while we try to customize the one person whom we love the most (or someone who loves us the most).

The reality is ....... People come in packages............ There is a finite set of human attributes whereas there are infinite possible combinations and the bad news is, qualities come in groups, you cannot have one without the other.

The irony is that a relationship develops by interaction of only a small subset of qualities in either person. You get attracted or put off by those few interface level qualities. Once the person passes this 'circumstantial' test then we start making forays into uncharted territories of each others characters and only some relations survive the voyage. Actually it is good that not all relations make it through or else the human society would be a very complex place to live in.

Here is an example to give you a drift of where I am going......... a fast paced person who takes quick and rational decisions cannot be expected to be emotionally sensitive or at least his/her emotional threshold will be uncomfortably low. I could go on and on pointing out the obvious, hence I will sum it up with a story from ancient Indian (south Asian) epic - Mahabharath. A princess is able to appease the Gods by her immense devotion and faith. In return the Gods grant her a wish and the princess asks for a husband who is knowledgeable, charming, exceptionally strong, and couple of other good attributes. This sent the Gods musing since even they could not find a mortal who possessed all these qualities so they influenced the events such that the princess got married to, not one prince, but five of them each a champion in one of the requested qualities!!!

Moral of the story, why not look at a person as a package and not fantasize of tinkering with the basic package to meet out needs and fantasies. However as a cautionary note, this should not be used as an excuse to avoid learning/changing because remember change is omnipotent and omnipresent, no change means no life.

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At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Supraja said...

Hmmm. Nice, good, excellent. What made you think about this blog.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger Anusha said...

Well said...
I am surprised we look for 100% perfection in others even though we are not half way through.
This is an excellent topic for "Relationships 101".
I felt funny when I heard a comment from one of my colleagues "I like him to be very extrovert, but I do not like it when he talks well with everyone". On the same note, people think it is very feasible to change the other person the way they like, to include all the goodies and in this process start picking up a fight for all petty little things.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger AK said...

2 supraja:
Thanks to the musings of a very good friend of mine :)

2 anusha:
I concur.

At 3:28 AM, Blogger Tohou Lidia said...

That's true! We are often only attracted to a small set of qualities and then we start to learn the bad bits and wonder why we ever thought that person was so perfect in the first place!
I agree - we shouldn't expect people to change :)


At 10:51 PM, Blogger AK said...

2 Amy:
Nice to know you agree with my observation :)
However your last statement should be taken with a grain of salt!! Without change the fabric of the society will be in shreds. Some qualities need to be changed for the good of the individual and/or people surrounding the person but then again some aspects just cannot be changed.

At 1:58 AM, Blogger Vignesh Kumar said...

Nice thoughts about relationships..

Just got to came here by blog hopping, nice read.. :)

At 4:43 PM, Blogger AK said...

2 Vignesh:
Thanks :)


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